The Do’s and Don’ts of Chore Planning with your Spouse
If you recently got married or even if you’ve been married for awhile, you probably know that finding a way to organize and get chores done can cause a lot of tension between you and your spouse. Both of you may have different preferences and both of you probably want equal recognition and appreciation for the work that you do. Planning chores and getting them done doesn’t have to be something that affects the relationship that you have with your spouse; follow these tips to make the chores in your home a breeze.
Don’t split work evenly. Do work together as a team. It might sound weird, but dividing the chores 50-50 is actually a bad idea. There was actually a study done in 2012 that found that couples who divided chores evenly were more likely to get a divorce. It is better to work as a team, meaning both of you put in 100% of your efforts on making your home what you want it to be. Don’t divide work into “your work” and “my work.” Make it “our work.”
Don’t be selfish. Do take your spouse’s preferences into consideration. Think about the chores that you like to do, and take the time to figure out the chores that your spouse wouldn’t mind doing. If you hate doing dishes, see if your spouse will take over that job. If your spouse hates doing the laundry and you don’t mind it, you can take that job. There’s no use in doing the chores that you hate when your spouse might not mind doing those chores.
Don’t assume. Do try to understand your spouse’s definition of clean. Everyone’s definition of clean can be a little different. To some, dirt matters, but to others, clutter matters. Figure out what your spouse considers a clean and happy home. You want to make sure your home is somewhere that both of you feel “at home.” It may just be some small changes here and there that can make all the difference for the both of you.
Don’t divide chores by stereotypical lines. Do embrace the things you’re both passionate about. Be flexible with your responsibilities. You don’t have to abide by the stereotypical norms that you’ve probably heard before; the woman takes care of laundry and dishes, and the man takes care of the lawn and handyman work. If these tasks work for the both of you, then that’s great! But it will all work the best if you both are doing the tasks that you are most passionate about. If you love mowing the lawn, take over that task. Each of you can know your task, get it done, and show appreciation to your spouse for the jobs that they completed.
Don’t do it all yourself. Do recruit help. If you have children, you should recruit them to help. Giving your children responsibilities is going to help them out in the long run and help create a positive family atmosphere in your home. If you don’t have children and you have the money, you could consider hiring a maid or another kind of outside help.
Again, household chores should not be driving you and your spouse apart or creating a negative home environment. Working together as a team and appreciating one another can have positive effects on your relationship with your spouse. Get a plan in place which involves both of you working together as team, valuing one another, and showing the love that you have for each other in everything that you do.